Little Riding Hood a modern version

Red ridding hood went through the woods on her quad bike, after stopping at KFC. Unfortunately her quads pistons got jammed, when she got off to fix it a wolf with out of fashion clothes jumped out at her. Red ridding hood reached for her paintball gun but she had forgotten to stock up on ammo at Kaitaia’s Hunting and fishing store. She ran off at a steady pace, she tried to contact her grandma with the new ‘Telecoms xt mobile’ service. But she forgot to top up her sim card. The wolf speeded towards the grandma’s house in his Aston martin. He put on the female billabong clothes that red ridding hood bought. He also put on the make up that red ridding hood had bought. He entered her grandma’s house and then noticed the pictures on walls. The pictures were of the grandma with a 50 calibre semi automatic rifle, proudly standing over a pack of wolves. The wolf, shocked headed for the door. But the granny randomly came out of her bed room. The wolf hoped she forgot her glasses, but then to his dread he heard. “Hello dear. I just bought some contact lenses”. The opticians at Kaitaia do some good contact lenses. Now let’s go and have some stew.” The wolf was starting to get very scared, he proceed to the kitchen. He was hungry after all, he had intended to steal some food off of little red ridding hood but she is an anorexic. He walked into the kitchen and there were guns up all over the wall, the wolf is petrified. The granny brings out a pot of stew; there are big chunky meat pieces. He is served a big bowl and he wolfs it down, get it? Wolfs down? Anyway, the bowl is clean but the granny saw the tongue and says. “What a disgusting tongue you have.” The wolf, offended decides to strike. He stands up, reviling his dirty fur. And he tries to grab the granny, but he is too late. The granny pulls out a tazer gun and shoots the wolf in the crutch. The wolf falls down in pain. She hits him with her walking stick and he is unconscious. Red ridding hood rolls up in her Lamborghini armed with a machine gun. The decide what to do with the, and they agree to humiliate the wolf. They go to the grannies apple computer put the web cam on, start to give to wolf a mucked up make over. They tied him to a chair with a sign saying ‘BIG FAT LOSER’. They took a clip and sent it to ‘you tube’. The wolf is humiliated scared with the embarrassment. Every time he walks down the main fox hole he is teased because they had all seen him at the internet café. After two days he decides to end it all. He puts a loaded pistol to his head and pulls the trigger. He wakes up screaming, his wife next to ask him “what is the matter?’’ and he replies “I had another night mare about humans.” She replies. “oh you know humans are a myth.” And they both go back to sleep. Still having nightmares about the mythical creature ‘humans’.




Parksley the End or Beginning



By,the writer (Eric Bryan)